Today, I am feeling a bit down. I guess I just need to vent. I have been trying and trying and trying to be the bigger the person and kill her with kindness and for over a year and half now... yet, still I get nothing in return. It breaks my spirit down and I seem to dwell on this issue everyday. I try and take everyones advice and just forget about it. Not everyone is going to like you but I just can't give up! I refuse to give up when I know what the benefits are to everyone getting along and co-parenting. I refuse to settle or back down even though I'm getting a big slap in the face every time I reach out.
I wish she would notice how much time and extra effort I'm putting in with the kids and helping her out. You would think I would get the respect I deserve but sadly I don't. I wrote many a email reaching out to her to talk and get past whatever it is she is holding against me and she ignores me time and time again. I refuse to give up because this is my life! I have to deal with her for the rest of it. I want peace! I want to feel comfortable at the kids activities. I want normalcy. This has me at my wits end. Don't know why I keep trying or care so much....Feeling hopeless....
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
The outcome..
The dreaded day of court came and I woke up feeling anxious and sick to my stomach. We were both pretty quiet on the drive over to the court house. We met with our lawyer and went over some things and then the whole day turned into a bunch of back and forth with our lawyers trying to settle. Believe me, we wanted to settle and have tried to settle and mediate MANY a times before this day but she was unwilling to let go of anything. Her offers were basically a BIG slap in the face. She wanted her lawyer fees paid, she wanted a lump sum of about 20 grand, (who has 20 grand just laying around??), she only wanted to reduce the child support amount by $300!! Ya, like that would help us any!, she wanted her overdraft fees paid, she wanted us to pay all the back child support we owed by a certain date.... and so on! The demands were out of this world. The whole time the lawyers were going back and forth, I sat quietly on a bench in the hall.. crying. Wondering how in the world could we do even half of the demands she wanted. We were trying our best and she couldn't see that? We can't pay what we dont' have! After hours and hours of this... Jason thought is best if we just settle. I wasn't so sure but when were summoned back into the court room and her attorney was about to read the settlement agreement. Our attorney looked at Jason and I saw his head nod. We were going to trial.
I was so nervous and scared. It's a 50/50 chance that you will be heard and that things will go your way. We were in court for 4 hours on our case and it got ugly in there. I was a blubbering mess the whole time. This was our life in the balance. Our lawyer was amazing and his closing remarks had me crying. I really felt he believed in our case and was very passionate about our case. He has this booming voice and it felt like the movies the way her commanded that court room. I couldn't have been more grateful in that moment. The things he said about my husband were so on.
In the end we did get a reduction of about $1200 in the child support and we didn't have to pay her attorney's fees. We had to pay $4000 to her by Feb. 2013 and that was hard but we did it. It has been a roller coaster of up and downs since then. We are struggling to make everything work and still dealing with a person who is so un willing to see anything we have done and continue to do. This is a reality I need to deal with. I keep thinking it will get better and am let down time and time again. I keep having hope that she will be easier work to with and that we all can get along one day... EVEN after all she has put us through.
Maybe one day...
I was so nervous and scared. It's a 50/50 chance that you will be heard and that things will go your way. We were in court for 4 hours on our case and it got ugly in there. I was a blubbering mess the whole time. This was our life in the balance. Our lawyer was amazing and his closing remarks had me crying. I really felt he believed in our case and was very passionate about our case. He has this booming voice and it felt like the movies the way her commanded that court room. I couldn't have been more grateful in that moment. The things he said about my husband were so on.
In the end we did get a reduction of about $1200 in the child support and we didn't have to pay her attorney's fees. We had to pay $4000 to her by Feb. 2013 and that was hard but we did it. It has been a roller coaster of up and downs since then. We are struggling to make everything work and still dealing with a person who is so un willing to see anything we have done and continue to do. This is a reality I need to deal with. I keep thinking it will get better and am let down time and time again. I keep having hope that she will be easier work to with and that we all can get along one day... EVEN after all she has put us through.
Maybe one day...
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The Ugly Truth...
Hope is the little voice you hear whisper "maybe" when the whole world is shouting "No"....
This post isn't going to cute or nice and it may piss some people off... but it's real and it's what we are going through and we need a voice right now..
I can't stress enough the importance of getting yourself a GOOD LAWYER when going through a divorce! MEN, this is for you!! See, my Husband has a good heart. The kind of heart that trusts people and always finds the good in others and he trusted his Ex and thought that they would get a divorce and things would be fair without lawyers.... Boy was he wrong! Not only did he get screwed but he got completely blindsided! You see they each filled out a child support worksheet and parenting plan and he signed his and gave it to her to sign and file and she went and took his out and replaced it with hers and just took the last page he signed and when he got his final Divorce Decree in the mail it was NOT what he had signed and because he had no lawyer he didn't fill out his child support worksheet right and he is paying 10 times what the average man is paying. (like most of you would vomit if you knew the amount he is paying her each month) I'm sorry, but when you get divorced... YOUR LIFE IS AND HAS TO CHANGE!! You can no longer expect to live the lifestyle you did while married and it isn't fair for a judge to just decide what someone should pay another person WITHOUT really listening and seeing what is really going on. The power should not be placed into a woman's UNGRATEFUL hands who just sits back and collects checks. My husband was ORDERED to pay $2824.00 each month in child support. DID ANYONE JUST FAINT?? Because I want to scream every time he presses send on the transfer button to her. AND on top of that he was ordered to pay her mortgage payment of $1900.00 in lieu of Alimony until the house is sold and then he would have to pay $1500.00 a month in Alimony for 5 years!!!!!( In the state of Georgia you are required to pay alimony 1 year for every 5 years you were married) He should only have to pay or 2 years! Why it is 5 is beyond me!!!!! You see, he had no idea he could take deviations for how much time he spends with the children, how much we feed the kids each month(We feed them half the month), how much we pay in medical and dental. (We pay 100% of all medical and dental) In fact she sends the kids to the car with bills in hand to give to us! How sweet, right?? He had no idea!! SO how is that fair? A judge sits there and sees that this man sees his kids every other day and every other weekend and takes them on breaks and in the summer and NEVER misses a day and then go and slap him with a court order to pay so much he can't even pay his own bills. Why should a good father be punished like that? If you see a man who is trying his best and wants to do the right thing.. Make it fair. Let him see some of his HARD EARNED MONEY. Let him see it isn't all in vain and that he can enjoy his life too! My husbands quality of life right now is so sad.. We are newlyweds dealing with all this shit!! It's too much and it isn't fair!!!!!
This is where we are now... We are back in litigation trying to make someone see we can't afford this amount. Trying to make someone hear our case, trying to make someone hear that if something isn't changed two families will be homeless, TRYING TO GET A JUDGE TO TREAT US FAIRLY AND REALLY LISTEN TO OUR PLEAS!!! The power the government gives these women is absurd and dangerous. It is going to completely ruin our family. Our credit is shot. We will probably have to rent forever. Because his name is tied to the house she is living in. Our whole future is in the balance here! and that is okay for some people? How can these judges sleep at night? This is not a DEADBEAT DAD over here!! This isn't a pants-sagging, no job having guy!!! This is man who works his ass off to provide for two households and doesn't get to see any of his earnings!! It makes him not even want to work! The man can't even go out and buy a new shirt or anything and HE SHOULD BE ABLE TOO! He works around the clock just to WATCH all his money go to someone who is CO-HABITATING in a house that is in his name and that he pays for and she doesn't have to work?? I'm sorry this may sound harsh as hell but I'm pissed and fed up! She chose to have 4 kids and she needs to HELP pay for them too! It should not all fall on the Fathers shoulders! He has done above and beyond what most fathers do! ANd the sad thing is... HE WANTS TO DO IT!! He just can't do as much as they are saying he has to!! WE need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't make this good man who is there for his kids and trying his damndest to pay...run from his obligations cause that is what our court systems are doing. IT's so beyond unfair it's sick!! We just want to be able to survive, to pay our bills and not have to worry. THAT IS ALL!! Make it fair!!!
He has a good job and makes a dang good living but we see NONE of it!! How is that fair. My husband feels like a slave.. like he is in prison! That is not how it should be.
And to top all that off... While we were waiting for a court date to try and get the amount reduced we got served papers last Friday... She filed a contempt order on him because we are behind on some payments because we are at the end of our rope and can no longer afford anything. We are trying to catch up on our bills before things get shut off and we no longer have a home for the kids to come to. Does she realize how serious a contempt order is? He could go to jail!! How will that help either of us?? Then she really won't get any money! The sad thing is my husband thinks jail sounds like a vacation at this point!! REALLY???? Someone please hear our case!!! And she asked for his check to be garnished like he is a low down piece running from his obligations!! She asked for his check to be garnished for the full child support amount and the mortgage amount!! If that were to happen we would be left with not even enough money to pay our rent! HOW IS THAT FAIR???? SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!
I am a divorcee and have been a single mom and one who has been completely screwed over money wise and everything else and you don't see me acting like this...I picked myself up and worked and did what I had to do with a wonderful family to help me along the way... and so for me to be completely pro- Fathers rights has got to tell you something! It isn't fair! Don't enable these women to sit back and not have to work or help out with the kids they chose to have! It isn't right! Don't make it impossible for ANY OF US TO SURVIVE!! If she wins and gets this.. We will no longer be able to afford to even have the kids come over. we will no longer be able to afford to even feed a family of 8 when they do come over. She doesnt get that by filing this and hurting us more only hurts her and kids even more. She is going to push us to do things we don't want to do but will have no other choice but to do them if we get pushed into a corner for too long... This isn't fun and games.. This is our life! Something has to change...
We do have each other and are so grateful for that. We are trying to remain hopeful that things will work out for all of us. We don't want to see her suffer in any way.. We aren't mean people, we have begged and pleaded with her to work something out with us that is fair but why would she when she was ordered an insane amount...Why would she accept less now?.. She doesn't care about our situation and how it might affect her and the kids, she doesn't care about us period... SO we are left with having no option but to go to court and fight with everything we have... We didn't want it to get ugly but there is just no other option right now... It's not in either of our natures to be like this and it's taking a toll on us... We just really want to be able to survive and live our life... Court is now set for December 6, 2012... There goes our Holidays..
More to come on this..
This post isn't going to cute or nice and it may piss some people off... but it's real and it's what we are going through and we need a voice right now..
I can't stress enough the importance of getting yourself a GOOD LAWYER when going through a divorce! MEN, this is for you!! See, my Husband has a good heart. The kind of heart that trusts people and always finds the good in others and he trusted his Ex and thought that they would get a divorce and things would be fair without lawyers.... Boy was he wrong! Not only did he get screwed but he got completely blindsided! You see they each filled out a child support worksheet and parenting plan and he signed his and gave it to her to sign and file and she went and took his out and replaced it with hers and just took the last page he signed and when he got his final Divorce Decree in the mail it was NOT what he had signed and because he had no lawyer he didn't fill out his child support worksheet right and he is paying 10 times what the average man is paying. (like most of you would vomit if you knew the amount he is paying her each month) I'm sorry, but when you get divorced... YOUR LIFE IS AND HAS TO CHANGE!! You can no longer expect to live the lifestyle you did while married and it isn't fair for a judge to just decide what someone should pay another person WITHOUT really listening and seeing what is really going on. The power should not be placed into a woman's UNGRATEFUL hands who just sits back and collects checks. My husband was ORDERED to pay $2824.00 each month in child support. DID ANYONE JUST FAINT?? Because I want to scream every time he presses send on the transfer button to her. AND on top of that he was ordered to pay her mortgage payment of $1900.00 in lieu of Alimony until the house is sold and then he would have to pay $1500.00 a month in Alimony for 5 years!!!!!( In the state of Georgia you are required to pay alimony 1 year for every 5 years you were married) He should only have to pay or 2 years! Why it is 5 is beyond me!!!!! You see, he had no idea he could take deviations for how much time he spends with the children, how much we feed the kids each month(We feed them half the month), how much we pay in medical and dental. (We pay 100% of all medical and dental) In fact she sends the kids to the car with bills in hand to give to us! How sweet, right?? He had no idea!! SO how is that fair? A judge sits there and sees that this man sees his kids every other day and every other weekend and takes them on breaks and in the summer and NEVER misses a day and then go and slap him with a court order to pay so much he can't even pay his own bills. Why should a good father be punished like that? If you see a man who is trying his best and wants to do the right thing.. Make it fair. Let him see some of his HARD EARNED MONEY. Let him see it isn't all in vain and that he can enjoy his life too! My husbands quality of life right now is so sad.. We are newlyweds dealing with all this shit!! It's too much and it isn't fair!!!!!
This is where we are now... We are back in litigation trying to make someone see we can't afford this amount. Trying to make someone hear our case, trying to make someone hear that if something isn't changed two families will be homeless, TRYING TO GET A JUDGE TO TREAT US FAIRLY AND REALLY LISTEN TO OUR PLEAS!!! The power the government gives these women is absurd and dangerous. It is going to completely ruin our family. Our credit is shot. We will probably have to rent forever. Because his name is tied to the house she is living in. Our whole future is in the balance here! and that is okay for some people? How can these judges sleep at night? This is not a DEADBEAT DAD over here!! This isn't a pants-sagging, no job having guy!!! This is man who works his ass off to provide for two households and doesn't get to see any of his earnings!! It makes him not even want to work! The man can't even go out and buy a new shirt or anything and HE SHOULD BE ABLE TOO! He works around the clock just to WATCH all his money go to someone who is CO-HABITATING in a house that is in his name and that he pays for and she doesn't have to work?? I'm sorry this may sound harsh as hell but I'm pissed and fed up! She chose to have 4 kids and she needs to HELP pay for them too! It should not all fall on the Fathers shoulders! He has done above and beyond what most fathers do! ANd the sad thing is... HE WANTS TO DO IT!! He just can't do as much as they are saying he has to!! WE need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't make this good man who is there for his kids and trying his damndest to pay...run from his obligations cause that is what our court systems are doing. IT's so beyond unfair it's sick!! We just want to be able to survive, to pay our bills and not have to worry. THAT IS ALL!! Make it fair!!!
He has a good job and makes a dang good living but we see NONE of it!! How is that fair. My husband feels like a slave.. like he is in prison! That is not how it should be.
And to top all that off... While we were waiting for a court date to try and get the amount reduced we got served papers last Friday... She filed a contempt order on him because we are behind on some payments because we are at the end of our rope and can no longer afford anything. We are trying to catch up on our bills before things get shut off and we no longer have a home for the kids to come to. Does she realize how serious a contempt order is? He could go to jail!! How will that help either of us?? Then she really won't get any money! The sad thing is my husband thinks jail sounds like a vacation at this point!! REALLY???? Someone please hear our case!!! And she asked for his check to be garnished like he is a low down piece running from his obligations!! She asked for his check to be garnished for the full child support amount and the mortgage amount!! If that were to happen we would be left with not even enough money to pay our rent! HOW IS THAT FAIR???? SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!
I am a divorcee and have been a single mom and one who has been completely screwed over money wise and everything else and you don't see me acting like this...I picked myself up and worked and did what I had to do with a wonderful family to help me along the way... and so for me to be completely pro- Fathers rights has got to tell you something! It isn't fair! Don't enable these women to sit back and not have to work or help out with the kids they chose to have! It isn't right! Don't make it impossible for ANY OF US TO SURVIVE!! If she wins and gets this.. We will no longer be able to afford to even have the kids come over. we will no longer be able to afford to even feed a family of 8 when they do come over. She doesnt get that by filing this and hurting us more only hurts her and kids even more. She is going to push us to do things we don't want to do but will have no other choice but to do them if we get pushed into a corner for too long... This isn't fun and games.. This is our life! Something has to change...
We do have each other and are so grateful for that. We are trying to remain hopeful that things will work out for all of us. We don't want to see her suffer in any way.. We aren't mean people, we have begged and pleaded with her to work something out with us that is fair but why would she when she was ordered an insane amount...Why would she accept less now?.. She doesn't care about our situation and how it might affect her and the kids, she doesn't care about us period... SO we are left with having no option but to go to court and fight with everything we have... We didn't want it to get ugly but there is just no other option right now... It's not in either of our natures to be like this and it's taking a toll on us... We just really want to be able to survive and live our life... Court is now set for December 6, 2012... There goes our Holidays..
More to come on this..
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Father's Day 2012
Summer 2012
Summer we spent most of our days at the pool.. It was a life-saver for me. It got the kids out of the house and gave me a little peace and quiet time.. :)
Friday, September 21, 2012
Visitors and other Bits...
Summer 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Bits of everything..
May 2012
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